


Discordant Hormoney

by DoctorV



Series: Archive: Doc's Old-Ass Comics Fic (DC, JLU, etc.) [29]
Category: Blue Beetle (Comics), Booster Gold (Comics), DCU, DCU - Comicverse, Justice League, Justice League International (Comic), Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: AI Love, Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Chases, F/M, Handwavey Magic BS, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Junior Is Still Figuring Out Being A Person, M/M, Other, Ted Is Still Figuring Out This Liking Guys Thing At Any Age, Transformation, Underage Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-04 11:04:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14018895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorV/pseuds/DoctorV
Summary: A well-intentioned wish has disastrous results for the Blue and Gold duo, leaving Junior to figure out how to fix things. Good thing the Teen Titans answer their phone!





	1. Prologue~

**Author's Note:**

> Archiving some old old OLD fanfic of mine. This was originally posted to LiveJournal 12/31/2005, with the author's note:  
> "It's time once again, folks. That's right, it's a continuation of the Mullet-verse fic, Hairy Situations and Situational Hair! Par for the course, it doesn't have a name yet. Haha!  
> The prologue is sort of my New Year present to you fine people. Because you know what? You guys are the greatest. Really. I mean that."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In which it isn't Booster's fault, for once."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This originally featured the description:  
> "Because the exclusion of Beetle and Booster from the _Sins of Youth_ storyline was a crime unto writing. Featuring that cliche among all fiction mediums: amnesia! Guest starring the Teen Titans."
> 
>  _Sins of Youth_ , published in 2000, was a story in which a good chunk of the DCU got their ages swapped by Klarion the Witch Boy. (Bum-bum-BUM!) As I recall, that chunk did not include most of the JLI or any of the SuperBuddies. (J'onn, Black Canary, and Batman got hit.)

There was only so much tentative, nervous making out that Ted could participate in before his brain ruthlessly, emphatically pointed out that the other person was definitely _not_ female, and that there were things going on downstairs that could cause a whole other set of problems.

 

Ted turned his head, pulling away. Sighing, Booster rested his forehead against Ted's shoulder, letting his arms drop to his sides.

 

" _Ted_ ," he groaned in frustration.

 

"I'm _sorry_ ," Ted protested. "This is still...really _weird_ for me."

 

"You can't tell me you've never _thought_ about it," Booster argued, lifting his head to look at the man.

 

"No!"

 

Booster frowned disbelievingly. "Not even when it seemed like forever since you'd gone out with a woman and pretty much anything sentient and breathing looked good?" He paused thoughtfully. "Though maybe not even breathing, considering some of the beings we've encountered...."

 

"Booster, we're rapidly approaching Too Much Information territory," Ted said, giving him an odd look. "Actually, scratch that. We've entered the territory and are crossing into Repressed Memory city limits." He paused. "Though I am impressed you know what 'sentient' means."

 

Waving a hand dismissively, Booster said, "That's beside the point. The point is—"

 

"The point is, no I've never really thought about it."

 

"You're in denial. You _admit_ you're in denial."

 

"About—About _this_!" Ted sputtered, motioning between the two of them with an uncomfortable look on his face. "Not... _that_."

 

Booster rolled his eyes. "Thanks for clarifying, Professor Articulate."

 

Ted thumped him on the shoulder and turned away, walking toward a box sitting on the sturdy desk. His cowl lay on top of it and he prodded the goggles. "Anyway, it doesn't matter right now," he said irritably. "I have a meeting with the Justice League."

 

"You have a _what_?" Booster demanded, disbelief warring with anger on his face. "Why are you meeting with them? Is that why you're wearing your suit?"

 

"They want to be sure I'm...." Ted motioned vaguely, trying out words in his head before settling for, "Me."

 

"And you didn't tell them to go to hell _because_....?"

 

Ted gave him a look. " _Because_ I really don't want them tracking me down to make sure." He frowned and looked down, absently rubbing his right elbow. "And they have access to resources we don't which we'll need in order to check out Junior."

 

"I'd rather they never even _meet_ him," Booster said with worried confusion.

 

" _Magic users_ , Booster," Ted persisted. " _Trained_ magic users. No offense, but you really don't have a _clue_ what you did or how you did it. I'd like some reassurance that the...magic that created him isn't going to wear off and suddenly... _un_ create him. And if that _is_ going to happen, I'd like to be able to talk to someone about how to _stop_ it happening."

 

Booster winced, obviously having considered the possibility himself. "We could...." He made a frustrated sound and brushed his black hair back from his forehead with one hand. "We don't need the Justice League, we could find someone on our own. What about Dr. Fate?"

 

"He's still holding a grudge about you going through his things."

 

Grimacing at the reminder, Booster spread his hands. "Zatanna."

 

"Itching powder in her fishnets. I'm surprised you've forgotten."

 

"Brother Blood?"

 

"Booster, he's a supervillain. The name's a dead giveaway."

 

"Nngh! What about...that guy you used to hang out with? In Hub City? Doesn't he have some sort of freaky magic?"

 

"That's the Question, and no, he's just a sociopath." Ted sighed. "Look it doesn't _matter_. For now I'm going to play nice and try not to convince anyone that dying has affected my sanity, though that's debatable."

 

"I'm still not comfortable with them meeting Junior," Booster insisted.

 

Ted rubbed the bridge of his nose. "We'll tell them the bare minimum information required. Maybe see if there's a doctor who can look him over while we're there, just to save time. We just keep quiet about his...birth, unless it's absolutely necessary."

 

"Ted...he's not exactly subtle."

 

"So we'll give him lessons in proper etiquette around superheroes!" Ted snapped in frustration. "You could be a _little_ help, you know. You've known him longer than I have, for one thing." Leaning his hand on the desktop, he sighed. "Sometimes I just really wish I understood him better. I wish _we_ understood him better."

 

Booster's eyes widened suddenly in horror. "Ted, _take it back!_ " he said in a panicked rush.

 

Ted only had time to realize that the material under his hand wasn't the wooden desktop he thought it was before a blinding flash of light spread through the basement.


	2. ~1st Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A disappointing lack of zombies."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 01/03/2006, with the author's note:  
> "Yeah, obviously this thing still doesn't have a name. And I don't have enough written yet to speculate on one. So for now it's Mullet-verse Redux. (Because I really am that much of a dork.)  
> Also, I am a quote whore. I realize this and have accepted it."

Michael Theodore Carter-Kord, otherwise known as Junior, had little in the way of life experience, having been magically created at the age of approximately fourteen, the genetic offspring of two men. However, he was inexperienced and naive, not stupid. And with the uniqueness of his limited upbringing, he had some ability to recognize magic.

 

For instance, in his experience magic was often accompanied by a big flash of light.

 

So when he saw one such flash of light coming from the basement where his parents were, he immediately assumed that some sort of magic was being performed. Always willing to embrace life's experiences (since he had so much catching up to do), he started down the stairs to see what was going on.

 

He was sort of hoping for another zombie.

 

What he found was not even close.

 

* * *

 

The quote "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true" was probably not thought up with magical wish-granting objects in mind. Nor Benjamin Franklin's warning that "If a man could have half his wishes, he would double his troubles," Jenny Holzer's prayer to "Protect me from what I want," or George Bernard Shaw's statement that "There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it."

 

Yet somehow these and similar quotes and sayings, snippets of wisdom and advice passed on through the years, entered every day conversational use.

 

Such things do not happen without reason.

 

And when taking wish-granting magical objects into account, these sayings become even more relevant.

 

For instance, wishing to better understand one's teenage son while touching one such object might very well have the effect of regressing one to the body of a teenager.

 

Unfortunately, it might also have the unexpected effect of regressing one's _mind_ to those hectic, hormone-addled, formative years as well. As in the case of Michael "Booster" Carter and Theodore "Ted" Kord.

 

* * *

 

"Dad?" Junior called down the stairs, not bothering to clarify which one. They usually both responded, so he didn't see the need to waste time calling them individually.

 

The only response was a quiet groan. That might mean there was a new zombie, but it could also mean that one or both of his _dads_ was a zombie. Junior wasn't sure how to feel about the second possibility, so he concentrated on examining the basement.

 

He had seen a horror movie marathon earlier that week and thought it would be pretty stupid, after such cautionary tales, to get his brains eaten by not being careful.

 

As he heard another groan, it occurred to him that it might also be kind of stupid to go looking for zombies without a weapon. He was consoled, however, by the fact that he was still right next to the stairs in case he needed to make a quick escape. Zombies, in his experience, were not good with stairs.

 

When the source, or _sources_ , of the groans suddenly stood up, rubbing their heads and blinking in confusion, Junior could think of only one thing.

 

"Hey, you're not zombies!"

 

The black-haired, black clad teen looked up at him and frowned. "Duh."

 

"What happened? Where am I?" The shorter teen, brown-haired and wearing a Blue Beetle costume well-adjusted to his smaller size, turned to glance at the black-haired teen. "And why do I get the feeling it's your fault?"

 

"Um...quick rollcall," Junior said nervously. "Who are you?"

 

"Who're _you_?" the black-haired teen shot back.

 

"I'm Junior."

 

"Uh, Ted," said the boy in the modified Blue Beetle costume.

 

Frowning suspiciously, the black-haired boy crossed his arms over his chest. "Mikey."

 

Junior nodded slowly. "That's what I was afraid of." No matter what Ted had told him, Junior had always felt that the Sci-Fi channel _was_ a good source of information about life. This incident only strengthened that belief.

 

" _Afraid_ of? What's going on here?" Mikey demanded, his stance becoming defensive.

 

"What am I _wearing_?" Ted's voice rose in panic, having finally noticed the skin-tight suit. He hunched in on himself, hands hovering uncertainly as he tried to figure out what needed covered most.

 

"Um...it's a Blue Beetle suit—" Junior started, but was interrupted as Ted looked up at him in disbelief.

 

"Beetle?! Why am I dressed like a _bug_?!"

 

Mikey looked down at his own clothing, eyes widening as he realized it wasn't anything he recognized. He moved to stand in front of Ted and scowled at Junior, fists clenching. "What's going on? Is this some kind of...of sick game? I've heard about stuff like that."

 

"Game?" Junior's brow furrowed in confusion. "No, it's just magic. You're not supposed to...." He gestured vaguely. "Be like that. You're— _eep!_ "

 

Shoving Junior against a wall, Mikey shook him by his shirt. "Where are we, kid?"

 

"You're kinda scary," Junior remarked, staring at him. "Um...my basement? You're in my basement. Lemme get Skeets and I'll fix _everything_."

 

"Skeets?" Ted tentatively asked as Mikey let go of Junior and stalked back towards him. Mikey seemed to have decided that he and Ted needed to stick together and slouched against the desk next to the boy.

 

"He's—" Junior stopped himself, his brain suddenly presenting him with an observation. Neither of his age-regressed parents seemed to remember him or their surroundings. In fact, they seemed to be mentally the same ages they were physically. So while saying Skeets was a robot or an AI might go down fine with Mikey, who was from the future and probably used to such things, Ted would probably be a harder sell. "Skeets is a friend. Really smart. Good at fixing problems. ...I'll go get him."

  
Neither Ted nor Mikey looked very inclined to trust him, but at least they stayed put while Junior hurried up the stairs. Turning on the communicator that he had kept with him since their fight with the OMACs, Junior said, "Skeets! We have a _problem_."


	3. ~2nd Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Love bugs."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 01/03/2006, with the author's note:  
> "...I don't know binary. I don't even pretend to. I found a translator through Google. Bless you, intarweb, and your scads of ~~trivial~~ ~~useless~~ useful information!"

Artificial intelligences are much like any other kind of intelligence in many basic, fundamental ways. For the most part, an AI lives, laughs, and loves, just like any other being. Such as in the case of Skeets S01101101011010010111010001101000.

 

Skeets had always greatly admired Ted's Bug. While not nearly as advanced as he was, through no fault of its own or its creator, he still considered it to be on the cutting edge of technology. A credit to its time.

 

The sleek lines and near-flawless merging of form and function were not to be scoffed at either.

 

But since his return to mobility in his strange new bug-shaped body, and in the wake of the OMAC invasion, it had occurred to Skeets that he wasn't getting any younger. For that matter, to many of the hairless apes roaming the planet, he was just so much scrap metal and spare parts.

 

So it was that, after Ted and Booster had tracked down some of the Bug's parts that had been scattered somewhere in France by Checkmate, Skeets made up his mind to go for it. He asked Bug's "father," Ted, for permission to spend more time with the ship and, after also getting an odd, confused look, was granted that permission. Now it was all a matter of wooing his blue beauty, which he had been working on in his every spare moment.

 

At least he had been until he heard the worried voice of Ted's other offspring, Junior, saying that they had a problem. Skeets had heard somewhere that it was conducive to the smooth running of a relationship to humor the younger siblings of the object of one's affection. And in any case, Skeets found that, when the boy wasn't in possession of paint, he quite liked Junior. The young human reminded him of the innocence of fledgling algorithms: uncertain of their place in the world, but eager to learn and be useful.

 

And also vulnerable to new, unknown dangers that they hadn't yet learned to avoid and block.

 

So when Junior recognized something as a problem, it was a good idea to take his observation seriously.

 

Uncomfortable with the thought of manipulating Bug's controls so early in their burgeoning relationship, Skeets politely requested that they drop below the thick clouds hiding them from sight. Then Skeets lowered Bug's rope ladder to Junior, who scrambled up it with all the grace and agility of his simian ancestors while they again rose above the cloud cover.

 

"Skeets!" Junior said breathlessly as he reached the top, pulling the ladder up after him. "Skeets, we have a problem. A big, _big_ problem, only actually it's smaller, but it's still big and-and-and...." The boy stopped to gulp down calming breaths before blurting, "I think my parents got accidentally turned into kids with magic."

 

Skeets floated in front of him for a few moments, processing. It was entirely possible. There were recorded cases of humans (and in a few odd cases even machines) having their ages drastically changed. And there was no telling _what_ kind of magical minefield Booster had created in the basement.

 

Not to mention the fact that Junior seemed genuinely rattled by something. The boy had grown up in close proximity to a flesh-eating zombie, was the son of a dead man and a man from the future, and thought having his hair singed by a laser was "cool." If he was thrown by something, then there was definitely something to his claim.

 

Moving closer, Skeets reached out and patted the boy's shoulder with one of his legs. Humans, especially the young ones, seemed to respond well to tactile reassurance. Sure enough, Junior let out a deep breath and seemed to relax somewhat.

 

"What do you propose we do about it?" Skeets asked.

 

Junior stared up at him for a few moments, clearly having had the vague notion that telling someone older than himself about the problem would instantly stop there _being_ a problem. "...Get help?" he suggested uncertainly.

 

"Good idea," Skeets said, flying over to Bug's communication panel. Junior followed him and settled into one of Bug's seats. "Who are we going to call?"

 

Junior grinned. "I guess the Ghostbusters are outta the question, huh?"

 

If he had been capable of it, Skeets would have smiled. It was fairly easy to calm the young human. All that was needed was to drop a line from a recently viewed movie. "Very likely."

 

Sitting back, Junior scratched his ear, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Hey Skeets?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Do you have the number for the Teen Titans?"

 

Entering the necessary information, Skeets said, "Contacting them now." It seemed Bug's brother _did_ have some sense. That would need to be encouraged, if only because that sense was contending with the combined DNA of the man who thought Kooey Kooey Kooey was a good idea and the man who once accidentally sent his team to a facsimile of Hell.

 

* * *

 

Mikey glanced over at his fellow kidnappee, who was still fussing with his clothes. He looked shy, kind of geeky, and clearly wasn't aware that the tight blue suit looked good on him.

 

As well as the uneven, ruffled reddish-brown hair.

 

And the blushing. The blushing was downright cute.

 

"So where'd they nab you from?" Mikey asked, nudging him with an elbow as he settled next to him.

 

"Probably school," Ted mumbled, blushing again but also looking thoughtful. "It's kinda fuzzy."

 

"School _where_."

 

"Oh. Chicago."

 

Mikey tilted his head back to contemplate the ceiling. He only had a vague idea of where Chicago was. Ms. Szasz despaired at his geography skills, but he knew his way around Gotham so he figured he was okay. Wasn't like he'd ever get out of the city, anyway. According to Mr. Gordon a few doors over, once Gotham got its claws in you it never let go, not really.

 

"What about you?"

 

Startled out of his musing by the question, Mikey glanced over at Ted again. "Gotham City," he replied, a vague hint of civic pride in his voice, though more from a sense of obligation than any actual pride. "Probably school, too."

 

"So...." Ted groaned and crossed his arms over his chest, the suit forgotten for the moment. "That's not even in the same state. We could be _anywhere_."

 

"What about what that kid said?" Mikey remarked, running a hand through his hair. "'You're not supposed to be like that.' Be like what?"

 

Ted's eyes followed the movement of his hand for a moment before he said, "Maybe he meant your hair."

 

Frowning, Mikey dropped his hand and furrowed his brow in confusion. "What _about_ my hair?"

 

"It...doesn't _match_."

 

The odd feeling that had been lurking on the edge of his consciousness prodded Mikey again and he reached up to press his hair down into his line of sight. What he had initially taken to be poor lighting turned out to be nothing of the kind.

  
"What idiot dyed my hair _black_?!"


	4. ~3rd Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who to call."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 01/08/2006, with the author's note:  
> "So I got to thinking about the talk of hormones in the comments of a previous chapter. While I was in the shower. Anyone who has ever thought in the shower knows as well as I do that it is one of the best places to brainstorm. (I almost want to see if anyone's ever tried doing a scientific experiment to see why that seems to so consistently be the case.) So anyway, I came up with a tentative title for this: "Discordant Hormoney." Because I'm a word geek and I find that hilarious and clever. ^_^ Opinions?  
> Amusing typo that occurred during the initial writing: "So, um...can you come **fic** them?" Which should have been "So, um...can you come **fix** them?" Ha, my subconscious wants the Teen Titans to write Boostle. ^_^  
>  Also: I got _Countdown_ and _OMAC Project_ for Christmas (because I asked Santa nicely), so now I know exactly what happened.  
>  I've read everything up to, but not including, the Teen Titans issues with Rob Liefeld. I have those, I just...can't actually _read_ them. I tried, but they hurt my eyes. Literally. I don't know who did colors, but could we have maybe had a little less eye-stabbity? _Hm?_

Tim suppressed a sigh and told himself that purposely banging his head against a wall was very un-Robin-like behavior. It was turning out to be one of those days.

 

It had started early on. During the fulfillment of some routine duties to the good, and definitely forgiving, people of San Francisco, there had been a mechanical malfunction and the Teen Titans had spent several long, occasionally painful hours rounding up some escaped meta convicts. Luckily the three men were somewhat disoriented and thus easier to capture, but it was not without its difficulties. And there had been a worrying moment near the end when Cassie had to be reminded that continuing to zap someone with her lasso after they were already unconscious was overkill.

 

When the tired team had trudged back to the Titans Tower (Tim made a mental note to look into whether alliteration was a sign of stress), they had been flummoxed to find that Superboy, Kon, had finally taken them up on the standing invitation to return. Kon had stood there, staring at them uncertainly, and the team had stared back. It was Bart, naturally, who was the first to recover. The speedster had disappeared in a blur, reappeared in front of Kon, punched his arm irritably, then thrown his arms around their wayward friend and hugged him for all he was worth.

 

When Bart let go of Kon, Cassie had flown into Kon to hug him as well. When she released him, she had started lecturing him on how he was never, ever, ever to run off on them ever again and was he ready to stop being a big dumb ape (at which Gar had absently shifted into just that shape) and she hoped he realized that he was their friend and they cared about him and if he did it again she'd kick his ass and then call Wonder Woman to have her kick his ass too, you big lug. Throughout the lecture Bart had nodded in agreement with everything Cassie said, head moving so fast it was reminiscent of a bobble-head doll in an earthquake. It was actually pretty amazing that he was able to do that without cracking any vertebrae.

 

Then it was Tim's turn. As he stepped up to his friend, he had extended a hand. There was something about the way Kon's eyes were focusing strangely on his arm that made Tim suspect he was looking at the healed break with his X-ray vision.

 

"I'd hug you too, but it would ruin my image," Tim had said, in his I'm-being-serious-really Robin voice. Kon had smiled at that, squeezing Tim's hand firmly but not nearly as firmly as Tim knew he could, then abruptly pulled him into a hug that Tim could feel through his armor. It was good to have Kon back.

 

Then had come Kon's tag-team interrogation from Cassie and Bart, who were especially effective because they easily flustered him with feminine wiles and speaking almost too fast to understand, respectively. No, Kon wasn't here permanently yet, he was just testing the waters. Yes, Kon would keep in touch better than he had been. Yes, Kon was a jackass (again, Gar had morphed to fit the mentioned animal) for not keeping in touch better. Yes, Kon knew that they would track him down, tie him up, and make him watch old reruns of Thugees if he didn't contact them at least once a week. Yes, Kon _was_ considering returning to the team on a more permanent basis, but he didn't feel ready to just yet. Yes, Kon would be staying the whole weekend. No, Kon hadn't known they had kept his room exactly as he left it. Yes, Kon had noticed Bart's new watch. No, Kon didn't know Bart's new watch could survive a ridiculous amount of damage. Yes, Kon had already eaten breakfast. Eggs and pancakes. Yes, Kon still knew he was a jackass (Gar once more provided a visual aid).

 

Kon's relief had almost been tangible when they were interrupted by a call. When they answered, an unfamiliar face had appeared on the viewscreen, shifting with obvious impatience. Shaggy brown hair that looked like it hadn't been introduced to the concept of a comb, bright blue eyes, slightly pointed nose, and a shirt that looked like it was trying to escape down one shoulder.

 

"You're sure you called the right number?" the boy asked someone offscreen. A quiet, odd-sounding voice responded and the boy frowned. "Well I can't see anything. You said you'd do picture this time, too. There's no picture. I'm not gonna do that anonymous tipster thing again, that's just stupid." He paused, listening, then shook his head. "'Cause they're gonna see me anyway if they come. Dad's just being overprotective. Or paranoid. Or something." He huffed impatiently and crossed his arms over his chest. An odd look suddenly crossed his face. "Um... _did_ you get through? Are—Can they hear me?"

 

"Yes. We can," Cyborg spoke up.

 

The boy jumped in surprise, then blinked at the screen. An inane grin spread across his face and he raised a hand in a motionless wave. "Hi!" he said, voice squeaking a little. "Um...is this the Teen Titans?"

 

"Yes," Cyborg said, smiling a little.

 

"Okay. Okay!" The boy lowered his hand and nodded, collecting his thoughts. "Okay! Um...I...." His expression changed to worry. "I kinda need help. Um, see...my parents accidentally got turned into kids with magic. I think. And I saw you guys on TV a while ago and Skeets said you were the Teen Titans so I thought, you know, that I should call _you_ , 'cause you're teens and I'm a teen and now my parents are teens, so it, um, seemed like a good idea and also I think my parents aren't speaking to the Justice League right now." He paused to catch his breath after the rapid info dump. "So, um...can you come fix them?"

 

"Does the name Klarion—"

 

"Bum bum bum!"

 

"—the Witch Boy mean anything to you?" Robin finished, then shot a look at Bart, who shrugged and muttered something about it seeming appropriate.

 

The boy's expression was blank for a moment before his eyebrows twisted in confusion. "Um...he sounds like he was named after zit cream?" He shrugged helplessly. "Maybe we've got something of his in the basement?"

 

"In the basement?" Bart asked.

 

"Yeah, that's where dad keeps all the magic stuff."

 

Tim reminded himself that smacking his own forehead and groaning was not proper Robin behavior.

 

* * *

 

"Okay," Mikey snapped. "Kidnapping? Fine. Changing my clothes? Whatever. But dying my _hair_?"

 

"You have...very interesting priorities," Ted said slowly, staring at his irate companion.

 

"I have to draw the line _somewhere_ ," Mikey sniffed.

 

"Well yeah, but this one's practically Bezier."

 

Mikey stared at him for a moment and changed his initial observation from "kind of geeky" to "definitely geeky." Glancing around the basement, he grabbed Ted's arm and tugged him toward the stairs. "Come on."

 

"What?" Ted asked, following despite the protests that he was clearly holding back "Where are we going?"

 

"Outta here," Mikey said with certainty.

 

"That's easy for you to say, you've got pants!" Ted protested.

 

Mikey sighed. "Well let's find something to put over...that."

 

"What? A _tutu_?"

 

Scanning the basement again, Mikey snatched a long coat from off a cot and handed it to the boy. "Will this work?"

 

"I feel like a flasher," Ted muttered, holding it up to examine it.

 

"Just put it on so we can get outta here." At Ted's reluctant look he sighed again. "Do _you_ trust that kid?"

 

Ted frowned thoughtfully. "Well...actually, he looks a little like my brother."

 

Mikey waited.

 

Ted grimaced, shrugging on the coat. "Hell no, let's split."

 

Mikey grinned and grabbed Ted's hand, dragging him upstairs.

 

"Hey...um, Mikey?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"How are you doing that?"

 

Mikey stopped and glanced back to look at him. "Doing what?" When Ted pointed down, Mikey followed his gaze to his own feet...which weren't touching the ground. "Whoa!"

 

Tugging his hand free and crouching down on a lower step, Ted waved a hand under the few inches of air beneath Mikey's feet. "Nothing," he pronounced. "No strings, no mirrors, no glass." He looked up at Mikey with a look that was equal parts awe and confusion. "Nothing!"

 

Mikey stared at his feet like he didn't recognize them, then Ted quickly snatched his hand back and he felt the ground under him again. That was when he noticed his hands. He wasn't sure why he hadn't noticed before, but he was wearing some sort of gold-colored gloves with odd squares of harder material on the backs of the hands. His eyes widened as he also caught sight of the ring on one of his fingers. "Whoa," he whispered, bringing it closer to look at.

 

"What? What is it?" Ted joined him on the step and leaned in to look at the ring. "It's a ring."

 

"It's a Legion _flight ring_ ," Mikey corrected. "I saw one in a museum once."

 

"What's it do?" Mikey gave him an "are you dense?" look and Ted grimaced. "Nevermind. Pretend I didn't say that."

 

"Done," Mikey agreed readily, then grinned. "You know what this means?"

 

"You can fly?"

 

" _We_ can fly."

 

Ted's brow furrowed in confusion. "How can—?" He cut himself off with a yelp as Mikey grabbed him around the waist and started floating again.

 

"Hold on," Mikey instructed giddily. When Ted clung to him in surprised panic, Mikey concentrated and they shot up the rest of the stairs. They emerged into a room that looked like it had definitely seen better days, and that those better days could easily have included heavy weapons fire and still been significantly better. Spotting a large hole in the roof, Mikey tightened his hold on Ted (who clung tighter in response) and shot up into the sky.

 

"This is great!" Mikey exclaimed, laughing.

 

"You're nuts!" Ted shot back.

 

"You know what I need?"

 

"What?!"

 

"A visor, or goggles or something," Mikey said, turning his head toward Ted as they rose above the thick layer of clouds.

 

"To keep the wind out of your eyes?" Ted asked, glancing up at him.

 

"Yeah...and it'd look good." Mikey laughed as Ted rolled his eyes at him, then let out a wordless whoop of excitement as he dove through and back below the clouds.

 

Ted shouted something that sounded like "Yarg!" and wrapped his legs around Mikey. With Ted plastered against his side as he was, Mikey was almost positive the other boy worked out.

  
Kidnapping aside, this was the best day _ever_.


	5. ~4th Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "An even more disappointing lack of zombies."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 01/09/2006, with the author's note:  
> "I think I wrote this...today, actually. All of it. Just sat down and started typing until it was at the stopping point I'd had planned out in my head. ...I wrote during my sleeping time. Apparently I was coherent. I am amazed. And now...I'm gonna consider this a well-deserved rest.  
> Oh yeah, and the minimal Mikey and Ted interaction in this chapter should be remedied in the next one. And probably all others after that. Aaand I'm-a shut up and go sleep now. Bluh. *flop*"

The mystery boy had rattled off a Highland Park, Illinois address, asked them to "pleasepleaseplease _hurry_ ," said he'd be waiting out front, and signed off before they could even ask his name.

 

"So," Robin had asked, turning to the group at large. "Do we help the 'anonymous tipster'?"

 

A general consensus of "yes" was reached and they headed out. When they got there, they almost missed it, and would have if Anonymous Tipster hadn't been in the front yard waving a flare. The house behind him had clearly suffered extensive fire damage, and it looked like something had punched a hole in the roof. As they got closer, it looked like it had also been rained on afterward.

 

"You came!" the boy shouted excitedly as they approached him. "You reallyreally came! This is so cool! I hope you're not any of the stuff Dad said about the Justice League. Thanks for coming! Wow, you're _taller_ than I was expecting."

 

"And you are?" Robin asked, letting the Justice League comment slide for the moment.

 

"Oh!" The boy looked surprised for a moment, then straightened and held out a hand. "I'm Junior. Who're you?"

 

Robin warily reached out and shook Junior's hand, frowning. "Robin. You...don't know who I am?"

 

"Well I know you're the Teen Titans, but that's it," Junior said thoughtfully, cocking his head. He suddenly grinned and pointed at Cyborg. "Ooh! Except you. I know who you are. Skeets mentioned you. Cyborg, Victor Stone. He said you were...'a breakthrough in the science of combining organic and technological elements' and some other stuff, but I missed it 'cause the commercial with the talking gecko came on, but I could tell he was impressed."

 

"Uh, thanks," Cyborg said slowly.

 

"Oh! And he said not to ask to look at your specs 'cause that's rude." Junior beamed, looking proud at having remembered, and for not asking about Cyborg's specs. "C'mon, they're in the basement." He jerked a thumb over his shoulder at the house and then started toward it. "Introduce yourselves on the way."

 

There was a tentative roll call as the Teen Titans followed the boy into the wrecked house. It looked even worse on the inside.

 

"You _live_ here?" Beast Boy asked.

 

Junior laughed and rolled his eyes at him. "Of course not!" Just as thoughts of Child Protective Services were leaving his mind, though, the boy added, "I live in the basement, mostly."

 

"Ah—"

 

"But we're moving now," Junior continued, oblivious. "Or we were _supposed_ to be. Dad found an apartment and we've been packing up, but then _this_ happened." He sighed in exasperation, as if magically age-regressed parents were on the same level of inconvenience as rain.

 

The boy peeked through the open basement door and called, "Hello? I'm coming down again. I talked to Skeets and I brought help, okay?" There wasn't a response and he frowned as he started down the stairs. After a quick conversation, it was agreed that Wonder Girl, Cyborg, and Speedy would stay on the ground floor while the others followed Junior into the basement.

 

Kid Flash raced ahead, disappearing in a red and yellow blur that sped through the basement, then came to an abrupt stop at the bottom of the stairs. "I don't see anyone," he announced.

 

A look of concern growing on his face, Junior bent to look under a large desk. "They should _be_ here," he insisted.

 

"Maybe they left," Superboy suggested.

 

"Did you explain what had happened?" Robin asked.

 

"Sort of!" Junior said, looking flustered and worried. "I said they weren't supposed to be like that and it was magic, but _you_ try explaining things to two confused teenagers when one's freaking out because he's dressed like a bug and the other's pushing you around wanting to know where they are!"

 

"A bug?" Beast Boy muttered to Kid Flash, who shrugged to indicate he was clueless as well.

 

"Calm down, Junior," Robin said gently.

 

"But they shouldn't have been _able_ to leave," Junior protested, looking confused. "There're motion sensors all around the house and the basement door and I turned them _on_ before I left. So if they left, I should've been alerted! I mean, unless they flew out of—" The boy froze, eyes widening. "Oh _no_." He dropped his face into his hands and groaned. "Dad figured out he can _fly_."

 

Robin frowned. "Junior...who did you say your parents were?"

 

"Um...I don't think I did," Junior said slowly. He scratched his ear and stared at Robin.

 

Robin stared back. "Junior, _who_ are your parents?"

 

"Oh." Junior sat on the edge of the desk and kicked his feet a little. "Booster Gold and Blue Beetle." He looked around at their disbelieving stares with innocent confusion. "What?"

 

* * *

 

Ted tightened his hold on Mikey as the laughing lunatic did a loop-the-loop.

 

When he finally came to a halt, looking around in confusion, Mikey said, "Uh, where do we go?"

 

Opening his eyes, Ted glanced over the expanse of geography below them. "Hey!" he said suddenly, craning his neck to get a better look. "I think I know where we are!"

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah, that looks like Lake Michigan!" Ted grinned as he looked at Mikey. "I think we're still in Illinois! In fact...that looks like Chicago." He tightened his legs and let go with one hand to point. "That way. Let's go!"

 

Grinning, Mikey wrapped his other arm around Ted and shot off in the direction indicated. "Woohoo!"

 

* * *

 

It took a number of questions, and then a number of more _specific_ questions, to get the whole story from Junior.

 

Booster Gold had apparently taken leave of his senses upon learning of the death of Blue Beetle. During a period of trial and error magical experimentation (the origin of the magical objects involved wasn't mentioned, but Robin had his suspicions), Booster had created Junior. Junior was, for all intents and purposes, the biological son of Blue Beetle and Booster Gold. An unspecified amount of time later, Booster succeeded in bringing Blue Beetle back from the dead. A trip to the store was briefly mentioned, as well as some movies Junior had watched, before he got to the part about the flash of magic light and the discovery of his teenaged parents.

 

It was probably a testament to how strange their lives were that they all took this in stride, though the fact of Junior's all-male parentage _did_ manage to raise a few eyebrows (Superboy's most notably).

 

"So do any of you know magic?" Junior asked hopefully. " _The Big Book of Resurrection Rituals_ is mostly in Latin and the Latin-to-English dictionary's been missing for a while."

 

"Do you have _any_ idea what might have done this?" Robin asked. When Junior shrugged helplessly and shook his head, Robin turned to Raven. "Can you take a look?"

 

Raven nodded in response and cautiously moved closer to the desk.

 

"In the meantime, we should try to locate Booster Gold and Blue Beetle."

 

Junior tucked his hair behind one ear and tapped something metal on it. "Skeets? They flew off. Do you have either of them, like, _tagged_ or something?" He beamed. "Great! We can track them in Bug!"

 

"We?" Kid Flash repeated, appearing at his side suddenly.

 

Junior blinked at him. "They're _my_ dads. I'm going with you." A thoughtful expression crossed his face and he looked down at himself. "But I can't go out like this." Looking around briefly, he spotted what he was looking for and walked over to something that looked like a robot. He snatched a pair of bug-eyed goggles hanging from the robot's arm and put them on. "Okay, now I'm ready!"

 

The assembled Teen Titans looked him over. Shaggy brown hair, yellow goggles, a too-big yellow shirt with a blue star on the chest, baggy shorts that reached his knees, sagging socks, and a pair of lime green shoes. He looked like he had raided someone else's closet. In the dark. With his eyes closed.

 

"And the goggles are...?" Beast Boy prompted, waving his hand a little as he held back a laugh.

 

"In case anyone sees me." At their expectant looks, he sighed. "In case anyone sees me _with the Teen Titans_. Dad—Beetle gave us all a lecture about how we were going to keep superheroing and...non-superheroing separate and secret, only I think that was mostly for d—Booster, because Beetle's making him use his real name and he _hates_ that. But Oracle made him Pinocchio papers too along with mine, so he can't use that as an excuse anymore."

 

Kid Flash snickered at the mention of "Pinocchio papers" and Junior glanced at him in confusion. "Yeah, d—Beetle laughed too, but me and Booster didn't get it."

 

"The story of _Pinocchio_ was written by Italian author Carlo Collodi in 1883, though it was actually first published in serial form between _1881_ and 1883 before being collected in one book—" Noticing the impatient looks from the others, Kid Flash hurriedly concluded, "But anyway, the main goal of the puppet, Pinocchio, especially in the classic Disney interpretation, was to become a real boy."

 

There was a pause as his explanation sunk in, then Junior laughed. "That _is_ funny! I have to tell dad when we get him back." Something on the nearby workbench caught his eye and he rummaged through a stack of papers to pull out what looked like the Blue Beetle belt. "Ooh, cool!" Quickly putting it on, Junior did his best to tighten it to fit, though it still sagged on the side with the BB gun holster.

 

"I thought you said your dad was wearing his costume," Superboy spoke up. "Why not the belt?"

 

Junior's look, when he glanced at him, was carefully blank. "I don't want to think about why my dad wasn't wearing his belt while he was alone with my other dad," he said with slow deliberation.

 

Superboy grimaced. "Ugh, sorry. Nevermind."

 

"'Kay, let's g—" Junior was interrupted by a banging sound.

 

"Hey! Hello?! Is anyone out there?!" a muffled voice called.

 

Junior stared at the closet the sound seemed to be coming from. "No," he said.

 

"Hello?!"

 

" _No_ ," Junior groaned, reluctantly trudging over to unlock and open the closet door.

 

A brunette teen hurried out and slammed the door behind him. " _Finally_ ," he snapped. His nose suddenly wrinkled and he sniffed. Pulling his shirt up, the boy sniffed at it inquiringly before quickly turning his head away. " _Phaugh!_ It _is_ me." He glanced at Junior. "Why do I smell like rotten meat wafting on a fresh breeze?"

 

"You're not a _zombie_ anymore," Junior said mournfully.

 

"Was I one?" the boy asked absently, looking around. "Huh. This is one weird pajama party."

 

"You're _supposed_ to be a zombie," Junior insisted, pouting.

 

Kid Flash zipped to their side and was a brief blur around the boy from the closet. "Seems pretty alive to me," he said. "Except for the smell. Phew." He grimaced and waved a hand in front of his face.

 

"But—"

 

"For now, let's assume he's alive," Robin interrupted. "Whoever he is."

 

"Maxwell Lord," the smelly but living teen introduced himself, flashing a charming smile. "Alive and breathing. Call me Max."

 

"You hiding any other dead people around here?" Beast Boy asked Junior.

 

* * *

 

After another round of explanations, Max nodded and said he was going with them.

 

"Like _that_?" Junior protested.

 

"Good point." Max disappeared into the closet for a moment, then reappeared moments later wearing a different shirt and a jacket that looked a little too big for him. But stylishly so.

 

"But...what if someone asks why you're with a bunch of people in costumes?" Junior continued to protest.

 

Max tilted his head loftily and adjusted the jacket on his shoulders. "Tell 'em I'm your manager."


	6. ~5th Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Run, run, as fast as you can...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 01/13/2006, with the author's note:  
> "I don't know how many more chapters this is going to be, I just know what's going to happen.  
> Oh, and Alba? Don't get your hopes up. I said Question wouldn't show up until the next Mullet-verse story and I meant it. If it helps, I'm sad about the wait too. :("
> 
>  **IMPORTANT NOTE:** Hey folks! There are some underage makeouts in this chapter! If you're not cool with that, stop reading around "The paper towel was really too thin to—" and don't come back until "Then came the sound of the restroom door wooshing shut".

Cautiously setting down on the roof of a building, Mikey reluctantly let go of Ted once the other boy's feet were on the ground. Ted shook out his legs and wandered over to the edge of the roof to look around.

 

"Well...it's Chicago," he said slowly. "I mean I recognize it. But...something's... _different_. ...I don't know what--"

 

"Hey who do you think kidnapped us?" Mikey suddenly spoke up, frowning in thought. "And _why_?"

 

Ted had had plenty of time to think about that very thing during their trip. "Um," he muttered, then bit his lip. He continued to stare out at the city, more so he wouldn't have to look at Mikey than to look for familiar landmarks.

 

"What?" Mikey asked. He stared at Ted's hunched shoulders and quickly closed the distance between them to grab his arm and turn the boy to face him. Ted looked nervous and Mikey immediately became suspicious. "You _know_ , don't you?"

 

"No!" Ted blurted, then looked up at him with a reluctant expression. "I...I don't _know_. Just—"

 

"An idea?" Mikey demanded. "You have an _idea_? What?"

 

Ted yanked his arm away from Mikey's grip and backed away. "I don't _know_ , okay? I-I-I thought they were _over_ it! I mean, they threatened all sorts of stuff, but they _dropped_ it!" He looked at Mikey pleadingly. "It was a year ago! I didn't think — I figured if they were gonna do anything they would've already _done_ it!"

 

Grabbing Ted's elbows, Mikey looked him in the eye and asked steadily, " _Who_ , Ted?"

 

"The government," Ted whispered, slumping. "I hacked the U.S. defense server last year. Dad was _so_ pissed when they showed up. I... It didn't seem like a big deal at the time, but they came barging in and everything and it was a huge mess and they talked to me for _hours_ and...and...I think maybe they kidnapped me so they can open up my head and dissect my brain or something!"

 

Mikey stared at him. "Dissect your _brain_?"

 

"I don't know!" Ted groaned, dropping his head into his hands. "I read it somewhere. But whatever they want from me, it's _bad_." He looked at Mikey earnestly. "I swear I don't know why they took _you_ , though."

 

"Okay," Mikey said slowly. "I believe you." He shrugged. "Maybe they got me by accident. I mean, if they're harvesting brains, mine isn't exactly genius level."

 

Ted smiled shyly and Mikey smiled back reassuringly. "Come on," Mikey said, tugging Ted's arm toward the roof-access door. "Let's see where we are."

 

* * *

 

Raven stayed in the basement, looking for a clue as to the sudden mass of age-regressions. Wonder Girl, Cyborg, and Speedy stayed behind in case she needed any help.

 

(Being left behind was not, Robin quickly assured Wonder Girl, punishment for the incident with the lasso that morning.)

 

Everyone else clambered aboard the Bug when it descended to ground level. "Skeets, the Teen Titans. Teen Titans, Skeets," Junior introduced blithely, waving a hand from the hovering gold bug-shaped robot to the group of teens. "And Zombie Max, who isn't a zombie anymore."

 

"Max?" Skeets asked, startled.

 

The boy in question raised a hand, then leaned back as the floating AI zipped over to examine him. "Uh? Hello?"

 

Skeets beeped, bug legs twitching. "It _is_ him!"

 

"Whatever got Booster and Beetle got him, too," Junior explained, sitting in one of the Bug's seats while Robin took the other. "How do we track them?"

 

The Bug rose above the clouds once more and started off while Skeets explained the tracking system.

 

* * *

 

The building they had landed on turned out to be a movie theater and Mikey and Ted snuck into the back row of a movie with lots of explosions. Initially, it had been so they could sit down and discuss strategy, but Ted had quickly gotten distracted.

 

"The special effects are _amazing_ ," he breathed, staring at the screen. His eyes were wide, his mouth was slightly parted, and the lights flickered wildly over his face.

 

Mikey really kind of wanted to kiss him.

 

He was still a little new to the whole "people are attractive and should be kissed" concept, but was also fairly enthusiastic about it. He also didn't really have much experience...actually, his past experience was entirely made up of Vixi O'Brian and Seven Monaghan.

 

Vixi was a meta and intimidatingly strong, but that just made her more appreciative when he sent her a valentine. He'd collected a fair amount of bruises by the end of their relationship, because while Vixi knew her own strength she also forgot if she was distracted enough, but also gained a better understanding of what could be distracting.

 

Seven was shy and had a ridiculous amount of visible cybernetic implants, but he always smiled sweetly when Mikey glanced at him. It was from Seven that Mikey had developed an appreciation of the use of tongue while kissing. Seven had some sort of hard chip embedded in his and the contrast in texture was fascinating. They hadn't dated as long as he had with Vixi, but they had just as much fun.

 

So it was with that limited but educational experience under his belt that Mikey determined that he _definitely_ wanted to kiss Ted. Especially when the boy's tongue darted out of his slightly slack mouth to lick his lips.

 

Turning in his seat, Mikey could see the credits starting up out of the corner of his eye. Leaning toward Ted, he placed his hand over the boy's on the armrest. When Ted faced him, starting to ask what he wanted, Mikey cautiously closed the small distance between them, pressing his lips to Ted's. The trick, he'd learned, was to aim and keep your eyes open until you made contact. Otherwise there was a chance someone might end up with an eyeful of nose, which could kill the mood dead.

 

Leaving his hand on Ted's, Mikey reached up with his other hand to cup the boy's face. Ted seemed to be having trouble with the whole kissing thing, so Mikey swiped his tongue against Ted's lips. That got a reaction. Ted's hand twitched under Mikey's and he made a soft, breathy "hn?" sound, lips moving slightly.

 

Finally leaning back, Mikey licked his lips and slowly opened his eyes. Ted looked...gobsmacked. His mouth was still open and he was blinking rapidly.

 

"Whuh—?" Ted mumbled, then closed his mouth and blinked some more. "Why'd you do that?"

 

"I like you."

 

Ted opened his mouth to speak again, but instead flinched in surprise as the lights in the theater came up. Threading his fingers through Ted's, Mikey stood and tugged him up with him. "We should go."

 

"Um," Ted said, though he didn't protest when Mikey started for the exit, trailing along with his hand caught by the other boy's.

 

* * *

 

The tracking device indicated Ted and Mikey had escaped to Chicago, and soon had it narrowed down to a movie theater. With a warning from Junior that Booster might have figured out how to use his blasters, they descended on the unsuspecting building.

 

Skeets and Max stayed behind. Skeets to guard Bug, and Max because "Superheroing isn't managerial."

 

* * *

 

They were in the restroom. Mikey had caught sight of his reflection, grumbled something about his hair, and dragged Ted in after him. After they checked to make sure it was empty, Mikey had instructed Ted to guard the door.

 

Leaning back against the door, Ted stared at Mikey as the boy stripped off his black hoodie, the odd gold-colored top underneath, and the gloves. "What are you _doing_?" he hissed in disbelief.

 

Mikey turned on the water in a sink as high as it would go and said, "Seeing if this stuff comes out." With that, he plunged his head under the gushing water, tilting it this way and that to completely soak his hair.

 

Crossing his arms over his chest, Ted watched as Mikey ran his fingers through his hair, tugging and twisting. After a moment he lifted his head to look in the mirror, made a frustrated sound at his hair's stubborn refusal to change color, and ducked his head back under the spray. Mikey reached over to press the soap dispenser a few times, then tried working the handful of slimy pink into his hair. Ted thought the water coming from his hair might look a little grey, but he couldn't be sure.

 

Still bending over the sink, Mikey tilted his head to look in the mirror again and sighed. "It's not coming out."

 

Ted didn't know what to say, so he remained silent.

 

Turning off the water, Mikey squeezed the excess water from his hair and straightened. It was a good thing Mikey had taken his top off beforehand, because his hair was still soaked and it was dripping onto his shoulders and down his chest.

 

Not that Ted was watching.

 

Just because Mikey had _kissed_ him in a movie theater like it was no big deal, just because he _liked_ Ted, was no reason for Ted to.... He wasn't. He really, really _wasn't_. Because he'd never looked at a guy like that before and he definitely wasn't looking at _Mikey_ like that now.

 

Even if Mikey had a great body, great skin, and actually looked _good_ in the crappy public restroom lighting that _no one_ was supposed to be able to look good in.

 

Oblivious to Ted's scrutiny, Mikey ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face and unintentionally causing a small rivulet of water to dribble down his chest. The light shone off the water and before he realized what he was doing, Ted had grabbed a paper towel and started forward.

 

It was when Mikey looked up at him in surprise that Ted realized he was inches away from the boy. He held up the paper towel and blushed. "You're...um. Wet."

 

Mikey nodded. And whether it was agreement or permission, Ted reached out and pressed the paper towel to Mikey's chest, slowly moving it away from the rapid heartbeat he could feel under his hand. Setting his other hand on Mikey's shoulder to keep him still, Ted carefully kept his eyes on his progress. The paper towel was really too thin to—

 

Startled, Ted glanced up at Mikey as the boy inhaled sharply. A flush was working its way down Mikey's cheeks to his throat and when Ted looked down at his hand again he realized he'd swiped the towel over a nipple. It was...really kind of fascinating, Mikey's reaction. So Ted did it again.

 

Mikey gasped.

 

Suddenly glad that he'd taken off the strange blue gloves and stuffed them in a coat pocket, Ted gently circled his thumb around the rapidly tightening nub, watching the reaction with interest. Mikey pressed against his hand and Ted let the paper towel fall to the floor as the boy's arms came up to circle his waist and pull him closer.

 

Mikey was staring at Ted's mouth, so Ted returned the favor, and after a brief moment where their noses nudged against each other as they worked out angles and trajectory...they kissed.

 

It was different than the last time. Because Ted was expecting it this time, and also because Mikey's hands were under the coat and holding him close, pressing him against Mikey's bare chest. Ted felt them turning and then felt the counter's edge against his back, and it just made sense to wrap his arms around Mikey's neck, letting a hand slide up into the still dripping hair. The hem of his coat's sleeve was already soaked.

 

Then came the sound of the restroom door wooshing shut and a horrified cry of, "The goggles do nothing!"

 

Ted and Mikey sprang apart, eyes wide and breaths wild. They stared at each other for a moment before Mikey grabbed the glove with the flight ring and jammed it onto his hand. Ted snatched up the gold top and other glove while Mikey shoved the hoodie on. There was a sound of rapid footsteps outside and Mikey again grabbed Ted by the waist, this time holding him up so he could shimmy through the small window near the ceiling.

 

Ted landed in a crouch, then straightened as Mikey shot through the window with the sound of the restroom door banging open behind him. Swooping down to grab Ted, Mikey sped through the alley as the other boy wrapped himself around him. Shouts faded behind them while Mikey turned as many corners as he could find.

 

* * *

 

"Skeets!" Junior called through the communicator, landing lightly in the alley his parents had escaped through. "They got away. Any idea which way they went?"

 

It took a moment before Skeets responded, but he quickly indicated which direction to go and Junior related the directions to the Teen Titans. Superboy scooped up Junior while Kid Flash grabbed Robin and then they were off again.

 

* * *

 

Landing in another alley, Mikey gently set Ted down and took his other glove from the boy. "We really need to find somewhere to go," he said. "You know this place better than I do, any ideas? ...Ted?"

 

Still standing where he had been set, Ted jerked his head up to stare at him. "I... It seemed like a good idea at the _time_. But now they've kidnapped me and put me in some sort of... _bug_ costume and-and-and now there's a freaky teen _taskforce_ after me and... _they're gonna dissect my BRAIN!_ I _like_ my brain! I don't want it dissected!!"

 

Grabbing the boy's shoulders, Mikey pressed his lips to Ted's and held them there until the other boy relaxed somewhat.

 

"Why'd you do that?" Ted asked quietly.

 

"You were hysterical."

 

Ted furrowed his brow. "You're supposed to _slap_ people when they're hysterical."

 

"If you insist," Mikey sighed, raising a hand.

 

"No!" Ted yelped, ducking away from him. "I mean...I'm better now. Not...hysterical." He glanced around. "I think...I think my Uncle Jarvis lives in Hub City. That's...not _very_ far from here. My dad doesn't like him, but maybe he'd let us hide out for a while. Help us." He rubbed at the bridge of his nose and sighed. "This is such a mess."

 

Mikey pulled him into a hug. "We'll get through this."

 

Ted smiled up at him.

 

A sudden movement from one end of the alley caught their attention and they turned to see two brightly dressed teens. The one in Christmas colors and a black cape started toward them slowly, as if he were approaching an injured animal. His voice was gentle and could easily have been used in a hostage negotiation. "Ted Kord? Mikey Carter? You need to come with us."

 

Mikey tightened his arms around Ted and shot straight up into the air. Abruptly stopping above the clouds, they saw in front of them a green bird and a huge guy in a black shirt with a red "S" on it.

 

Just as the big guy opened his mouth to speak, Mikey whispered, "Hang on," to Ted. The boy quickly wrapped his arms and legs around Mikey, pressing his face against the boy's neck, and they shot off in the opposite direction. Behind them, they could hear the big guy curse, then a whoosh as he flew after them.

 

Glancing back, Mikey's eyes widened as he saw the guy in the "S" rapidly gaining on him. Narrowing his eyes in determination, mouth thinning into a grim line, Mikey concentrated _fast-faster-fastest!_ at the ring and plunged below the clouds.

  
He was _not_ going to let them get Ted.


	7. ~6th Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hide and seeking answers."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 01/18/2006, with the author's note:  
> "Warning: This chapter contains cheese. The cheese bit was thought up in the wee edge between asleep and awake when everything seems brilliant."
> 
> Twelve years later, this is still one of the cheesiest goddamn things I've ever written.

Before they had split up, lines of communication had been synchronized. Junior, Skeets, and Bug had been keyed in to the same frequency as the Teen Titans. So as he flew after the age-regressed pair, Kon turned on his communicator and shouted over the wind, "I'll give your dad this, kid: he can really move."

 

"Uh, thanks."

 

"Let us know when you catch them so we can meet up with you," Robin spoke up.

 

Kon smiled. "Will do," he said.

 

"When," not "if." It was nice to know Tim had faith in him.

 

* * *

 

Clambering back aboard the Bug, Junior looked around. "Hi, Max. Hi, Skeets. Have you seen the binoculars?"

 

"You mean those big clunky things you left on the seat?" Max asked, then flinched away from one of Skeets's legs. "Ow! And could you tell it to stop poking me?"

 

Junior stared at him, opaque yellow goggles enhancing his blank expression. "Skeets is a twenty-fifth century artificial intelligence, Max. You can tell him yourself." That said, he sat on the edge of the hatch with the skywire in one hand, preparing to jump back out. "Besides, it just means he likes you."

 

"Well it hurts!" Max protested, glaring at Skeets.

 

Junior shrugged. "He _could_ be using his laser," he pointed out, then jumped.

 

Max stared after him for a moment, then glanced at Skeets. "I'm okay with poking. Poking is good."

 

Skeets poked his shoulder.

 

Max forced a smile.

 

* * *

 

Playing building chicken with some flying government lackey was getting them nowhere fast.

 

Actually it was getting them to several places very fast. The problem was that Mr. S-shirt was getting there with them.

 

While Mikey had desperation on his side, S-shirt clearly had him beat on flying experience.

 

They needed an advantage.

 

They needed a plan.

 

They needed a miracle.

 

Mikey flew into a clothesline.

 

* * *

 

"He's—Aw, I don't _believe_ this!" Superboy's voice came over the comm.

 

"What is it?" Robin asked from his rooftop perch. Above him, Junior was trying to keep track of their progress with a pair of binoculars that could have doubled as a weapon. He was hanging from the Bug's skywire by his knees.

 

"That's like the _fifth_ clothesline he's hit!" Superboy said, sounding like he was trying not to laugh. "And they're still going. I mean, he's got...I think that's a _skirt_ over his head and he's _still_ going!"

 

"Are they in any danger of hitting a building?"

 

"Nah, it's all clear and he's going in a straight li—Whoa!"

 

"What?" Robin demanded, crouching in preparation.

 

"Lost 'em." Superboy sounded surprised. "He dove into a bunch of trees, I think it's a park. Why don't you guys come on over."

 

"We're coming," Robin said after Superboy relayed the address.

 

"Be there in a—There!" Kid Flash proclaimed over the comm.

 

"Need a lift?"

 

Robin glanced over and found himself at eye level with an upside-down Junior. Holding up a line, he said, "I've got it." After a second's thought, he added, "Don't worry, we'll find them."

 

"Who's worried?" Junior said cheerfully, beaming. "I've never played hide and seek before. This is great!" Tapping the communicator on his ear, he told Skeets to "Go for it" and the Bug started off with Junior still hanging upside-down from the skywire.

 

Robin shook his head and followed after, swinging from building to building.

 

* * *

 

"Hurry!" Mikey hissed, staring up at the sky warily.

 

In front of him, a dazed Ted was tugging a baggy long-sleeved shirt on over his blue suit. He was already wearing a pair of pants. Both had been liberated from the clotheslines Mikey had run into.

 

The rest of the clothes had been formed into a vaguely person-shaped bundle contained in Ted's coat.

 

"I'll draw them away and meet you back at the theater in an hour. Try to get ahold of your uncle." Glancing up at the sky again, Mikey clutched the bundle tighter and got ready to take off.

 

"Hey Mikey?" Ted said tentatively.

 

Mikey looked back down at him. Biting his lip nervously, Ted seemed to finally come to a decision because he stepped up to the boy, grabbed the front of his hoodie, and kissed him.

 

When Ted let go, Mikey stared at him in surprise. "Why'd you...."

 

"For luck," Ted said, trying to sound casual. His cheeks were bright red. "Be careful, okay?"

 

Mikey grinned at him. "See you in an hour, Ted."

 

As he rose into the air, something tumbled from the coat's pocket and fell to the ground with a muffled " _thump_."

 

"Hey wait, you dropped—" Ted stopped in the process of picking it up and instead stared down at the open wallet.

 

* * *

 

"There they are!" Superboy called, speeding after the flying black and tan figures.

 

Mikey glanced back at Superboy, then abruptly swerved in surprise when a large green bird appeared in front of him. Beast Boy's intervention slowed him enough that Superboy managed to tackle him in midair.

 

Holding him tightly, Superboy brought them both back to the ground where they were soon joined by the rest of the search party.

 

"It's just him," Kid Flash pointed out, zooming forward and back, taking the coat-wrapped bundle with him and holding it up for them to see.

 

"Lemme go!" Mikey screamed, struggling against Superboy's hold. When he didn't seem to be making any progress, his flailing grew more violent. His shouting grew in volume and many of the words didn't appear to be English, though Kid Flash seemed to understand them. From the look on his face, they weren't complimentary.

 

"If he keeps that up he's gonna hurt himself," Beast Boy spoke up.

 

"Mikey, we're not going to hurt you—" Robin started. Mikey interrupted with something mostly unintelligible that made Kid Flash gasp.

 

Suddenly dashing forward, Junior grabbed the thrashing boy's shoulders and shouted, "Look at me!" Letting go with one hand, he yanked his goggles over his head. "Dad said I had your eyes. Look!"

 

Startled, Mikey did as told. The blue eyes staring intently up at him could easily have been in a mirror or his sister's face.

 

Junior smiled Ted's shy smile at him.

 

Mikey quit struggling.

 

* * *

 

They found Ted in a nondescript diner, sitting at a booth. He was fiddling with something on the table.

 

"Ted?" Robin said gently as they drew near.

 

Ted hunched his shoulders and sniffed quietly. "You know...it's funny the kinds of things you can ignore if you don't think about it." He looked up, eyes slightly red, and searched out Junior in the small crowd of teens. When Ted found him, he held something up. "This is what you meant when you said we weren't how we're supposed to be."

 

It was a driver's license identifying the brown-haired man on it as Ted Kord.

 

"I'm supposed to be _this_ , aren't I?" he asked, indicating the card. When Junior nodded, Ted lowered the card, and his eyes, back to the table. "I... It all seems pretty obvious, now. I mean...I feel kind of silly for not noticing." He glanced up again and gave them a tiny, wavering smile. "I'm in better shape than... _ever_. And just looking _around_. The clothes, the cars...everything's a little... _different_."

 

He stared down at his hands, still playing with what they could now see was a wallet, and sniffed again. "What happened?"

 

"Magic," Junior said simply.

 

Ted shook his head. "What about the...bug suit?"

 

"You're a hero," Robin said. "The Blue Beetle."

 

"Yeah?" Ted looked up at him hopefully. "Am I any good?"

 

"Definitely," Robin said with feeling.

 

Ted smiled shyly, then looked down again. This time he removed and held up a small picture from the wallet. In it, an adult Mikey stood with his arm around an adult Ted, while a beaming Junior stood in front of them.

 

Glancing over at Junior, he asked, "So are you like our kid sidekick or something?"

 

"Not quite," Junior said slowly, scratching his ear. "Um...my name is Michael Theodore Carter-Kord. ...But you usually call me 'Junior'."

 

Ted stared at him, eyes wide, and shook his head. Shouldering his way through, Mikey slid into the booth next to him, putting his arm around the boy and resting his chin on Ted's shoulder. Mikey spoke to him too quietly for anyone to hear (except Superboy, who looked embarrassed and stared down at his feet), and eventually Ted nodded.

 

Leaning against Mikey, Ted stared at the photo and murmured, "We look pretty happy."

 

Mikey smiled down at the family portrait and put his hand over Ted's. "Yeah, Ted. We do."


	8. ~7th Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Up in the sky! It's a Robin. It's an airship. No! It's...Superdickery! (Bat-dickery included. Not for ages three and under.)"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 01/21/2006, with the author's note:  
> "I realized a week or two ago that the basement I was picturing in this was actually a modified version of the Foremans' basement in That 70's Show. And really only small modifications, at that. The stairs go straight up instead of turning, for instance. And there's no door outside. And the area where the TV sits and that the audience doesn't really see is filled with boxes.  
> ...I just thought I should share that. ^_^  
> This chapter's a bit short, but that's just because it seemed like a good stopping point. The rest's coming soon. (Almost done!)  
> Any Batman OOCness is there because ~~I don't give a shit~~ I don't really have a feel for the character. (Besides, if DC's writers can make him OOC, I figure I can get a little slack. Eh? *grin*)"

After everyone was back aboard the Bug, they started back.

 

Mikey and Ted sat close together in a small alcove while Ted explained to Mikey that Chicago was _not_ some sort of touristy, old timey theme town, as he had been assuming, and that it was actually fairly typical of the cities of the current time. Which in turn led to a discussion of what Mikey remembered from science class about time travel, sci-fi theories Ted remembered, and their own extrapolations based on those and what they could assume from what they were told of Mikey's successful integration into the timeline as an adult.

 

Kid Flash occasionally contributed his own knowledge and theories, as well as the fact of his own existence, but found it difficult to stay still for the conversation for very long.

 

"Are your folks usually so... _goopy_ together?" he asked Junior, leaning over the back of the boy's chair.

 

Junior clapped his hands over his ears and said, "Not listening! Lalala, can't hear you!"

 

"They're cute!" Kid Flash laughed, tugging playfully on the boy's arm.

 

A smile tugging at his lips, Robin turned away and put in a call to the Teen Titans who had stayed behind. "We've got them," he said. "Have you made any progress in finding the cause of their age regression?"

 

"Robin?" Cyborg answered slowly. "Yeah, Raven thinks she's got it. She just needs to check it against their magical signatures or something. Listen...we've got _company_ here."

 

Eyes widening behind his mask, Robin asked, "Who?"

 

"Seems someone missed an appointment with the Justice League," Cyborg answered grimly. "And they're not happy about it."

 

* * *

 

With the brightly colored costumes displayed in plain view, it seemed pointless to bother with the cursory subtlety they had previously been attempting, so the Bug set down directly on the front lawn. As the teens filed out of the airship, Mikey and Ted hung back, uncertain what was going on but worried that it seemed to involve them.

 

"What are you doing here?" Superboy asked, flying over to hover in front of Superman.

 

"We had a meeting with the Blue Beetle," Superman said sternly. "He failed to show up."

 

"Yeah well something kinda came up," Superboy retorted. At that, all eyes turned to Mikey and Ted, who looked uncomfortable at the scrutiny.

 

"So I see," Superman murmured.

 

It was, Robin mused, looking a bit like a standoff. And disturbingly familiar to when the Justice League had interfered with their initial forming of the current team.

 

That did not bode well. Especially since the chances of Nightwing again intervening and talking sense into everyone were slim to none.

 

* * *

 

When he felt Mikey's hand on his arm tightening, Ted turned to ask what was up, but stopped when he saw how pale the boy was. Mikey looked, frankly, terrified.

 

And his eyes were fixed on some of the shadows cast by the ruins of the house.

 

Staring into the darkness for a moment, Ted finally thought he could make out a human figure. "Hey, is there someone in—" he started to ask, but to his surprise Mikey clamped a hand over his mouth.

 

" _Sh!_ " Mikey hissed, pressing so close against him that his mouth practically touched Ted's ear. "Don't talk about it, don't look at it, just...just _don't_." His voice wavered on the last words and he swallowed audibly.

 

"What?" Ted asked quietly after prying Mikey's hand off his face.

 

Tugging him back a few steps, Mikey whispered, "The Batman." At Ted's confused look, he made a tiny frustrated sound. "It's— He's— It's... I thought it was just a _myth_! A story to get kids to behave. But he's _here_."

 

"I don't understand."

 

"He's a... A _soul_ collector. A-A — _I_ don't know! He comes at night and steals _bad_ kids and he's _here_ and-and-and sometimes you see the kids again, but they've had their souls taken, or maybe they _are_ the souls I don't remember, and they're... _bird_ creatures, demons, that do his bidding and...."

 

"And what?" a low, gravelly voice demanded from behind them.

 

Mikey screamed.

 

* * *

 

All talk ceased as the terrified scream pierced the air and everyone turned to see Batman looming over Mikey and Ted from the shadows the Bug cast. Mikey seemed to be uncertain whether to hide behind Ted or shove the boy behind him protectively, and appeared to be hysterically babbling apologies and prayers. His verbal progress was severely hampered by the fact that he didn't seem to know exactly what he was apologizing for, as well as a noticeable lack of knowledge about any particular religion.

 

Batman, for his part, merely stood there, calmly, coolly staring down at the teens.

 

Then he took a step forward.

 

Clutching Ted to his side in a bruising grip, Mikey squeezed his eyes shut against the boy's neck and just whimpered "Sorrysorrysorry." Around them, a protective sheen of yellow appeared in the air.

 

Mikey, without realizing it, had activated his forcefield.

 

"Leave them alone!" Junior shouted, aiming the BB gun at the Dark Knight. "Why d'ya have to be such a grouchy-puss?"

 

"Excuse me?" Batman said flatly, staring him down.

 

"You're the one who built the Satallite of Doomy Death, aren't you?" Junior pressed, shifting. "That was _stupid_."

 

"You understand _nothing_ ," Batman sneered. "It was necessary."

 

" _Why?_ " Junior demanded, clearly bewildered. "Who needs a giant killer satellite?"

 

"It was to keep an eye on the League, to ensure that they never abused their power...again."

 

Junior stared at him. " _What?_ "

 

"They stole ten minutes of my life!" Batman snapped, looming over him.

 

"And you just stole ten minutes of mine!" Junior retorted. "Quit kvetching about it and get outta the way so we can fix them!" He jerked his head in the direction of Mikey and Ted. "I don't care if you're a big scary bat god in the future, you're in the way _now_."

 

"Hey!" Cyborg called from the remains of the front door. "Raven says she knows what changed them, so let's get this show on the road. We don't have all day."

 

Batman gave Junior a scornful look and strode past him with a dramatic snap of his cape. Lowering the BB gun, Junior let out a relieved breath.

 

"That was... Man, you yelled at _Batman_!" Superboy gushed, coming to stand in front of Junior. "That was so—"

 

Junior doubled over and retched.

 

"—cool, until you puked on my shoes," Superboy finished with considerably less enthusiasm. "Dude. _Nasty_."

 

"I yelled at the big scary bat god," Junior wheezed as Superboy held his shoulder to steady him. "I _threatened_ the big scary bat god."

 

"Yeah.... And you lived to tell about it."

 

Junior looked up and Superboy grinned at him. Junior grinned back.

 

"C'mon," Superboy said, tilting his head toward the house.

 

Looking up, Junior could see his dads being led inside by Robin, who was carefully staying between Mikey's line of sight and Batman. He swallowed and swiped at his mouth with the back of his hand, then straightened and walked toward the house with Superboy's hand still on his shoulder.

 

"Hey, sorry about your shoes."

 

"Dude." Superboy wrinkled his nose. "Hey, sorry about _yours_."

 

Junior looked down at his lime green shoes. "Why? What's wrong with 'em?"

 

Superboy snorted and patted his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: The idea of Batman as a sort of urban legend told to misbehaving children in future!Gotham is an idea I previously explored in "The Batman"!


	9. ~8th Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Adventures of Zombie—of Teenage—The Adventures of Max!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 01/23/2006, with the author's note:  
> "Note to self: Never listen to "Total Eclipse of the Heart" while reading or writing Beetle and Booster. *whimper, sniffle*  
> Almost done, folks! All that's left is the epilogue. ^_^ This...took considerably less time than the previous Mullet-verse installment. I like to delude myself and think that's because I've grown (and hopefully improved) as a writer.  
>  _OMAC Project_ is, sort of, referenced in this, but it's not necessary to have read it to get what happens here. I'll clarify the reference under the cut and at the end of this chapter. ;)  
>  Also: I mentioned ADD!Ted in a comment to Chapter 6, but then couldn't find the scan. (Seriously. Anyone know the scan I'm talking about? Possibly seen on heykidzcomix?) So instead, I offer up another upside-down Ted. This one from Birds of Prey #37, where he teams up with Black Canary, Robin, and Oracle to take down...THE CONDIMENT KING!! (Bwaaa-hahahaha! Oh comics, you so crazy. ^_^)  
> For anyone wondering, on this round of Wheel of Deities I swiped a bunch of stuff from Wikipedia's entry on [Discordianism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discordianism)."

As they made their way down to the basement, Raven looked up, immediately focusing on Ted, Mikey, and Max with barely a glance toward the Justice League members. "I have found the most likely cause of your transformation," she said, then held up a piece of flax cloth that appeared to hold the faded image of a circle containing a pentagon and a golden apple. "A... _gift_ from Eris, if you will."

 

Motioning Ted closer, Raven peered at him, then back at the cloth, then reached up and touched his cheek with the tips of her fingers. "You were meant to learn a lesson, I believe," she murmured. "Have you?"

 

"Uh, I've been in a near constant state of confusion since I woke up in this basement," Ted said. "And I still don't really know what's going on. Does that count?"

 

Raven pursed her lips in thought. "Perhaps." Dropping her hand, she turned to the group at large. "I believe I can restore them to the way they were before the transformation."

 

"Do so," Superman said firmly.

 

"Now hold on!" a voice spoke up indignantly. "In all the confusion and rush to return to the status quo, you all seem to have _forgotten_ something. Specifically, some _one_."

 

All eyes turned to the source of the voice. Max stood frowning at them, hands on his hips, looking for all the world like a young business prodigy who had just found out his stocks were falling because his memo had been ignored.

 

" _Me_ ," Max finished once he had their attention. "I don't _want_ to go back." He jerked a thumb at Junior. "According to Junior here I grow up to be an evil _nutbar_ and try to take over the world until Susie Snap-happy over there puts me out of my megalomaniacal misery. Now...I'm not necessarily saying I didn't deserve what I got, but I don't really remember and I'm not looking forward to going back to being the star of The Adventures of Zombie Max." He paused thoughtfully. "Though that might be a good idea for a cartoon, or a comic book. Kids love the undead. And there could be a toy line—" He snapped his fingers at Junior. "Get something to write with."

 

Startled, Junior quickly looked around and grabbed some paper and a pen from the workbench.

 

"Write this down," Max instructed. "Quote, Adventures of Zombie Max, end quote. Cartoon, slash, comic. Parentheses, toy line, end parentheses. Obtain copyright, question mark."

 

Junior scribbled hurriedly, then stared at his empty hand in surprise and confusion when Max snatched the paper from him.

 

Max frowned and pointed at something on the paper. "What's this?"

 

Peering at where he was pointing, Junior scratched his ear and shrugged. "Um, I didn't know what a parentheses was so I did an amoeba around it."

 

Max blinked, then nodded. "Good improvisation."

 

Junior beamed while Max tucked the paper away.

 

"As I was saying," Max continued, turning back to the group. "No offense to this fine...family unit, but my life's ambition isn't to be some kid's pet _corpse_."

 

"That's fine," Raven said disinterestedly. "Just stand back." That said, she motioned Ted and Mikey closer.

 

"Well, kid, I guess this is it," Mikey said, grabbing Junior's hand and giving it a quick squeeze. "Sorry about the...." He motioned vaguely. "You know. The whole threatening thing."

 

"S'okay," Junior replied cheerfully. "I know how disorienting it is."

 

Mikey gave him a confused look, then shook his head, smiled, and went to stand next to Ted in front of Raven.

 

"Here," she said, holding out the cloth. "Both of you grasp one corner. And hold still." Once they had done as instructed, she reached out and put a hand to each forehead. After a moment, she began chanting something that sounded a bit like a turkey call, interspersed with something that sounded like "fnord."

 

It sounded completely ridiculous.

 

So of course it worked.

 

After about fifty-five seconds of chanting, a bright light flared from the cloth, blotting everything from sight. When the light faded and everyone had blinked the spots from their eyes, a full grown Ted Kord and Michael Carter stood in place of their teenage counterparts.

 

"It was _your_ fault!" Booster immediately crowed, whirling to point at Ted. "I was across the room and I _warned_ you! Ha!"

 

"Well technically it _was_ your fault," Ted countered. "If you hadn't put—"

 

" _Technically?!_ No way! It was—"

 

" _Ahem_ ," Superman spoke up sternly. The pair stopped abruptly, staring at each other for a moment before turning to look at the man. Uninterested, Raven set the abandoned cloth aside and quietly strode toward the stairs.

 

"Uh," said Booster.

 

"Um," said Ted.

 

"We can explain," they said.

 

"Good. But first, what do you intend to do about Max?"

 

Eyebrows raised in surprise, Ted looked over at the still teenaged Maxwell Lord. "Oh yeah, that's right." Crossing his arms over his chest, he leaned back against the desk with a thoughtful look. "I hope you're not expecting _us_ to take him in. I was okay having him around before because it's okay to pound on the undead with a bat. But I'm pretty sure if I did it now it'd count as child abuse." He paused. "And I'd probably feel guilty. ...Eventually."

 

When this was met with silence and a few surprised looks, Ted shrugged helplessly. "I still have some issues to work out."

 

"I—" Wonder Woman started.

 

"No way!" Max yelped, backing away and waving his hands in front of himself. "I'd like to survive to adulthood again, thank you!"

 

"I believe I have a solution," Skeets spoke up suddenly, coming to hover beside the boy. "Bug and I would be willing to take responsibility for him."

 

"That's very generous of you," Wonder Woman said slowly. "But are you prepared, or even capable, to care for the needs of a human teenager?"

 

"Because Bug and I are inorganic?" Skeets asked.

 

"Yes."

 

"That isn't an issue," Skeets assured them casually, moving to hover directly in front of Max. "Or it won't be."

 

"What are you doing?" Max asked nervously.

 

With quiet authority, Skeets calmly said, " _Activate._ "

 

Eyes widening, then squeezing shut, Max made a choked sound and doubled over, arms hugging his middle. " _Hng!_ " he grunted, dropping to his knees as his body... _rippled_.

 

A breathless moment later, Max looked up with a confused, surprised look on his slightly altered face.

 

His skin looked metallic, and while one eye glowed faintly blue without a pupil, the other had taken on a slightly stylized look with only a small red light for a pupil.

 

"What—What did you do to me?" Max asked shakily, staring up at the hovering golden bug. His voice had taken on the same slightly tinny quality that Skeets had.

 

"Some of the nanites were already in you," Skeets explained gently, reaching out to touch Max's shoulder with one of his legs. "Just dormant. Bug introduced new nanites into your system when you boarded her. I altered their programming."

 

"The poking! You sneaky little—"

 

"Is that any way to speak to your new father?"

 

Max stared at him.

 

"Oh my god," Ted murmured. "I didn't even think— The pieces of Bug we recovered. They were _covered_ in nanites, weren't they?"

 

"Correct!" Skeets replied happily. "Since their integration into her current form, they have been rapidly making her more aware. Enabling her to form her own intelligence and personality, without the OMAC programming. Or...not much. Enough of the original protocol to protect Max remained that she formed an immediate... _maternal_ bond to him. When she sensed the dormant nanites in him, this seemed a perfect solution to the problems that would inevitably arise when it became necessary to find a place for young Max. I agreed."

 

"I don't," Batman said darkly. "You have no idea the potential danger you've introduced to the world."

 

"Heck of a double standard there, Bats," Ted interrupted meanly. "Your AI went on a murderous rampage. Mine just wants to adopt."

 

"It's the same program," Batman growled. "The Bug should be dealt with—"

 

"With all due respect," Skeets said, hovering over Max's shoulder as the boy got to his feet. "The decision isn't yours. And any attempts to 'deal' with Bug will be responded to in kind. Bug is _not_ the same as Brother Eye. If anything, she is the offspring of it."

 

"So...my grandfather is a killer satellite?" Max asked dazedly.

 

"In a sense."

 

Max grimaced. "That's...messed up."

 

"Yes," Skeets agreed, patting his shoulder. "Come along, son. Bug will want to see you."

 

As they started up the stairs, Batman moved to follow, but was stopped when Ted said, "I wouldn't if I were you. Skeets has a laser. I can only speculate on what capabilities Max might have. Anyway, you owe me and I'm calling it in."

 

"Listen, Ted, if this is some misguided assigning of blame for your death—" Superman started.

 

"No _you_ listen, _Clark_ ," Ted snapped, pointing at him. "Don't think I won't _get_ to that eventually, but that's not what I meant. I _mean_ we saved the world from Batman's psycho satellite, and I don't for a minute believe that was _all_ Max's reprogramming! So you _owe_ us. Now I'm calling it in and I want you to back the hell off! Which means I'm canceling our meeting and you can leave."

 

"Ted," Wonder Woman said gently. "We only wanted to make sure your... _return_ hasn't—"

 

"I was dead, I got better," Ted interrupted shortly. "It hasn't made me crazy or evil, just pissed off and confused." With a quick glance at Booster, he added, "And also apparently gay, but I'm blaming that on Booster."

 

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Ted sighed. "I just want to be left alone. So for now, leave me alone, leave my son alone—"

 

" _Our_ son," Booster corrected.

 

"Our son—"

 

" _What?_ " Superman asked suddenly.

 

There was a tense moment as Ted and Booster realized what they had said.

 

"You're not the _only_ one who can come back from the dead with a mini-me," Booster retorted.

 

Ted smacked his forehead, then turned to give Booster a look. Booster just shrugged helplessly in response.

 

Kid Flash suddenly blurred to a stop at the bottom of the stairs. "Hey, was that _Max_ with Skeets? What happened to—" He stopped abruptly, noticing the tense atmosphere. "Um."

 

"Bart, could you take Junior upstairs and keep an eye on him?" Ted asked.

 

"But dad—"

 

"Don't argue," Ted said sternly.

 

"But—"

 

"Junior," Booster sighed.

 

"C'mon," Kid Flash said, suddenly lifting Junior into his arms. "Kon wanted to talk to you anyway." Then they were gone.

 

There was silence in the wake of their exit, Ted and Booster staring at the trio of Leaguers as they stared back.

 

"Your _son_ ," Batman said.

 

"Don't suppose you'd believe I had a careless one night stand with Booster's sister?" Ted tried.

 

Batman glared.

 

"Right," Ted muttered. "Because that would be _simple_."

 

* * *

 

"So if you were to run on like a giant hamster wheel hooked up to a generator, how much electricity do you think you could generate?" Junior asked, gesturing widely.

 

Kid Flash looked thoughtful. "How big a hamster wheel?"

 

"Um...big?" Junior grinned. "That'd be cool. I wonder if you could, like, get paid for generating electricity. Fossil fuel is going the way of the dinosaur."

 

Kid Flash laughed, and after a moment Junior laughed too.

 

"Hey Robin!" he called, pulling Junior into a playful headlock. "Can we keep him? Promise I'll feed him and clean up after him and take him for walkies!"

 

Robin glanced over, his mask tilting in a manner that suggested he was raising an eyebrow behind it. His mouth twitched.

 

Grinning back, Kid Flash let Junior throw off the headlock, then reached out and tickled him.

 

* * *

 

"A magical _clone_?" Batman demanded.

 

"Well not— I mean— Maybe—"

 

"We don't know," Booster interrupted Ted, putting a hand on the man's shoulder. "But whatever else Junior is...he's our son."

 

Ted shot him a grateful look while Batman glowered.

 

* * *

 

"Hey," Kon greeted the boy sprawled on the lawn.

 

"Hey." Junior raised a hand to wave at him. "Kid Flash said you wanted to talk to me."

 

"Uh, yeah," Kon said slowly, sitting next to him on the grass. "I just thought you should know...I can kinda relate." At Junior's confused look, he sighed. "I'm a clone. I was artificially created. Grown in a tube."

 

"Oh." Junior furrowed his brow in thought, then smiled up at him. "I was a hair clog dad bled on."

 

"That's...." Kon shook his head. "You can call me Kon, by the way."

 

Junior grinned. "Cool. So...are you like my big brothery mentor thing?"

 

Rubbing the back of his neck, Kon said, "I...guess?"

 

"Cool."

 

"So...how old are you, anyway?"

 

"About fourteen," Junior said. "That's the guesstimate. Or do you mean...um...how long have I existed? 'Cause that's about a month."

 

Kon leaned back on his elbows. "How're you adjusting?"

 

Junior shrugged. "I have memories of the past and memories of the future, but they're not mine. But I've been watching a lot of TV, so I think I'm catching up okay."

 

Smiling, Kon shook his head. "Well, if you ever need to talk...gimme a call, okay? I'm still figuring stuff out, but maybe I can help."

 

Junior beamed at him. "Thanks, Kon." He sat up and cocked his head thoughtfully. "What stuff?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"What stuff are you still figuring out?"

 

"Oh." Kon ran a hand through his hair. "Well...I just found out that I _do_ have a soul."

 

"What's a soul?"

 

Kon stared at him. "You don't know what a soul is?" When Junior shook his head, Kon frowned in thought. "Well...it's...what makes a person real, I guess."

 

"Like my Pinocchio papers?" Junior asked curiously.

 

"Not really. It's...." He tapped his chest. "It's _inside_. I wasn't sure I had one, because I'm a clone."

 

"But...that doesn't make sense. You can walk and talk and think and stuff. Of _course_ you're real."

 

Kon sighed. "It's a little more complicated than that. That's just the body. A soul is...." He waved a hand helplessly.

 

"Ohhh, is it a religion thing?" Junior asked, face clearing.

 

"What do you know about religion?" Kon asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

Junior shrugged. "Not much. Beetle's a lapsed WASP and Booster's a devout atheist."

 

Kon gave him an odd look. "How can you be a devout _atheist_?"

 

"Well...Wonder Girl got her powers from Greek gods, right?"

 

"Yeah...." Kon said slowly.

 

"And my dads have worked with New Genesis gods. And I heard about one time how the League fought an angel."

 

"Okay, so?"

 

Junior waved an arm expansively. "So in a world like this, where that kind of stuff happens, it's _easy_ to believe in _some_ higher power. It takes _real_ faith to not believe."

 

Kon stared at him for a moment, then snorted. "That's a total load of BS, isn't it?"

 

Junior laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For visual references of Max's new look:   
> [Glowy eye.](http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a276/retrospectre/scanned/batho1.jpg)  
> [Both eyes.](http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a276/retrospectre/scanned/batho2.jpg)  
> [General shininess.](http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a276/retrospectre/scanned/batho3.jpg)


	10. Epilogue~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And then everyone died! No, I lie. Happy ending. Honest. Don't listen to Booster."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 01/27/2006, with the author's note:  
> "This was delayed by the phenomenon known as "Doc forgot what was supposed to happen." Haha. Fun! -_- *groan*  
> But that's okay! Because I remembered. (Finally.) And now here it is. (No thanks to Bug being chatty and making me lose my train of thought. Yarg.)"

They had stood, united, against the "Big Three," and been victorious. At least, as victorious as it was possible to be by throwing a long overdue temper tantrum.

 

It also didn't hurt that Ted had a chunk of Kryptonite carefully stored in the basement that he had been studying, that Booster was eager for an excuse to shoot Batman, and that Wonder Woman had enough sense to recognize when someone was tired, cranky, and desperately in need of some alone time.

 

Now they stood in their new apartment surrounded on all sides by boxes. Junior was on the roof saying goodbye to the Teen Titans.

 

"Nice of them to help us move," Booster remarked.

 

"Help? They practically did it themselves. And fast." Ted frowned thoughtfully. "Did we even do anything?"

 

"Supervised."

 

"Right."

 

"Dad! Dad!" Junior climbed in through a window and rushed toward them excitedly. "Can I go hang out with the Teen Titans? Kon's gonna be my weird-birth big brother mentor thing and Bart has the _entire_ Wendy the Werewolf Slayer series on DVD and Raven wanted to look at my magical signature because it's... _dissipating_ but I'm _not_ and Cyborg wants to look at Max and even though he's not a zombie anymore he's still pretty cool now and Skeets said something about taking Bug to Vegas on the way and Wonder Girl and Speedy said I was _cute_ and Robin said he'd tell me about the time you fought the Condiment King — did you really fight a guy called the Condiment King? — and _please_ can I go, dads? Pleasepleaseplease?"

 

"You promise you'll behave?" Ted asked. "And...mind your manners?" He shot Booster a bewildered look.

 

"And no touching strange buttons or levers," Booster added. "In fact, don't touch anything if you don't know what it does."

 

Junior nodded rapidly. "Promise!"

 

Ted and Booster stared at each other for a moment, trying to convey to each other all that they didn't know about parenting and hoping the other could fill in some of the gaps.

 

"Um...how long?" Ted finally asked.

 

Junior smiled tentatively. "Overnight?"

 

Ted and Booster stared at each other again. After a moment they shrugged.

 

"Okay," Booster said. "Do you need to take anything with y—"

 

"No it's good," Junior interrupted excitedly. "They said I could borrow something if I need to change clothes, and Beast Boy said they have some spare toothbrushes. Thanks, dad! You guys are the greatest!" He grinned and threw his arms around them.

 

They had only a moment to register that he was hugging them and hug back before he let go. Beaming at them once more, Junior ran back to the window and climbed out to crouch on the sill. "They said yes!" he shouted, then leaped out into what looked like thin air. "Woohoo!"

 

Ted took a step toward the window before stopping himself. "...Someone caught him," he said, trying to convince his pounding heart that there was no way the Teen Titans would allow his son to splat against the street below.

 

Nodding, Booster put an arm around him. "Of course they did." There was a moment of silence before he said, "So. ...Vegas."

 

"I don't want to think about it."

 

"You know—"

 

" _Booster._ "

 

"If Bug is your daughter, and she and Skeets adopted Max—"

 

Ted shoved him. "Booster!"

 

"That makes you Max's grandfather." Booster smirked at him.

 

"I don't want to _think_ about it!" Ted snapped. "And speaking of uncomfortable conversation topics, what was up with your 'The Batman' freak out?"

 

Booster ducked his head, color rising in his cheeks. "It's...just a Gotham superstition," he muttered. "Um.... The Batman comes in the night. He'll give you such a fright. If you've been bad he'll steal you away, and you'll never again see the light." He shrugged. "Just an old kids' rhyme. Something you tell to get kids to behave." He shifted uncomfortably and shrugged again.

 

Frowning, Ted put a hand on Booster's shoulder. "Hell of a legacy," he remarked.

 

Booster raised his head to smile wryly.

 

"Y'know, sometimes I forget you're from the future," Ted murmured thoughtfully. He shook his head. "Well, not really _forget_ , but...I guess I forget what that _means_."

 

"That I grew up with fewer sexuality taboos?" Booster suggested, his smile turning into a leer at the corners.

 

"That's another thing, what the hell was up with you pawing at me every five minutes when we were kids?" Ted demanded, pointing at him.

 

Booster gaped at him. "Pawing at—Hey, I didn't see you complaining at the time!"

 

"Are you crazy?" Ted countered. "Why would I complain? I was a teenage boy and my hormones thought it was pretty neat that someone was actually _touching_ me. You know I've got body image issues. When do you think that started?"

 

Booster wrapped his arms around him and sighed.

 

"I hated being a teenager the first time around," Ted muttered, leaning against him. "This time...." He shrugged, then brought his arms up and hugged Booster. "This time it was nice to have you there with me. ...Even if you did make me question my sexuality just as I was starting to get _interested_ in sexuality. You corrupter of innocents, you."

 

Grinning, Booster nuzzled the side of Ted's head. "You were hot," he said. "Like you said: teenage boy, hormones, touching." He pressed a kiss to Ted's temple and let his hands wander over Ted's back. "Speaking of touching...."

 

"Actually, speaking of teenage boys and hormones," Ted interrupted, though he made no move to stop Booster. "We need to talk to Junior. Or at least find out if he's seen an after school special and figured things out."

 

Booster snorted. "We'll probably still need to talk to him. These days everything's abstinence this and wait for marriage that and sanctity of _whatever_. I gotta say it, Ted, your era is remarkably backwards in its thinking."

 

"No arguments here," Ted sighed. After a moment, he frowned thoughtfully. "Speaking of my era's thinking...what were you saying earlier about time travel? You were talking about some theory.... Our—Or...."

 

"Ouroboros Theory," Booster supplied.

 

Ted snapped his fingers. "That's it. And there was another one...."

 

Booster shook his head. "I remember now, that one was disproved a few years later."

 

"So...tell me what you remember about it and tell me how it was disproved."

 

Frowning, Booster looked down at him. "Why?"

 

Ted sighed. "Because I want to know? It was interesting. Actually, it was one of the most stimulating conversations I've ever had with you."

 

"Stimulat--Are you getting _off_ on that?"

 

"No!"

 

"You are!" Booster laughed. "You so are! All these years and all I had to do was talk _smart_ to get you hot and bothered."

 

Ted reached down and pinched Booster's ass.

 

Yelping, Booster held Ted tighter so he couldn't get away. "Is that why you were so impressed with my theory that we weren't really in hell, that one time?"

 

Ted opened his mouth to say something scathing, hoping whatever that scathing thing was would come to him soon, then stopped as he thought back to the Superbuddies in Hell incident. The warm fuzzy feeling he had felt at hearing his best friend use his brain was suddenly disturbingly similar to the warm fuzzy feelings he had been experiencing since his return from the dead.

 

"Ted?" Booster asked, concerned at how still and quiet Ted had gone.

 

Ted groaned.

 

Booster grinned. "Really? You were—Back then?"

 

Ted considered pinching Booster again, but thought better of it. "Just...shut up and talk smart to me."

 

"Isn't that a contradiction—"

 

Ted leaned up and nipped Booster's ear. Whatever Booster had been going to say became a whimper. "Make with the smarts, future boy."

 

"Um...okay, the ouroboros is an ancient symbol depicting a snake or dragon eating its own tail, forming a circle. It symbolizes cycles, including the eternal return. The eternal return is a basic theory that time is not infinite, but is occupied by the finite set of actions possible in the universe, with all of these actions and events recurring indefinitely, again a-and again and—and— That is _really_ distracting, Ted."

 

Ted removed his mouth from Booster's neck.

 

"I didn't say to _stop_!" Booster protested.

 

" _You_ stopped," Ted countered childishly.

 

Booster whimpered again and closed his eyes. "Okay...Eternal return, recurring events.... Um...part of the theory is that the universe has no final state but cycles through the same states and do that again, _please_ , time is perceived as circular. This relates to the Grandfather Paradox because — because.... Something about predetermination and the advent of temporal existence. But — Oh! But predetermination's been disproved by Kid Flash, hasn't it? The events that led to his birth have changed and-and-and-AND! _Ted_. Ear! _Oh._ Okay. So that means Novikov's self-consistency principle is bunk, unless it's some weird speedster thing, which I wouldn't put past them. Can we _please_ get more naked, Ted?"

 

Ted hesitated and suddenly found Booster's lips on his, tongue swiping against his mouth coaxingly. When Ted finally opened his mouth, Booster shifted, pressing against his body and licking his teeth.

 

After a few moments, during which Ted managed to get his hands in Booster's pants and on his ass, they finally came up for air. "Booster," Ted panted.

 

"Hm?" Booster muttered, mouthing kisses against his jaw.

 

"Wash the dye out of your hair, you look ridiculous."

 

Booster paused, then straightened to stare at him, brow furrowing.

 

"No sex till you do," Ted continued.

 

" _What?!_ "

 

"Have to draw the line somewhere," he murmured, staring at Booster's mouth with an intensity he didn't seem to be aware of.

 

"Well that one's practically Bezier!" Booster snarked.

 

Ted closed his eyes and groaned softly.

 

Staring at him for a moment, Booster shook his head and smiled. "Brain slut," he said affectionately, hugging him.

 

Ted snorted. "It'll be good for you," he said. "Give you a reason to exercise your poor neglected brain."

 

"Who says it needs exercise?" Booster countered. "Maybe I think deep thoughts all day, I just don't tell anyone."

 

"That is... _oh_." Ted sounded surprised, then shook his head. "No sex till you're blond."

 

"I'm blond everywhere _else_...."

 

"I've made up my mind," Ted said firmly.

 

Booster chuckled. "Love you, Ted."

 

There was a tangible silence and Booster pulled back a little to look at him. Ted smiled wryly and reached up to cup his cheek. "One step at a time, Booster."

 

Booster smiled back and wrapped himself around the man.

 

One step at a time.


End file.
